I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize