Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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