FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
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I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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