I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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