I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
