If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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