Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
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so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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