Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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