My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
