Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
