i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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