No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
