oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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