I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
do nipples grow back?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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