That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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