I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am midnight drunk by noon
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
