whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
