redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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