I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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