i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
