I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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