i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you had me at cake vodka
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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