There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
