bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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