are you so shy because you have an std?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
