You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
