You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
