People in love make me want to vomit
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
