did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
soo... how was my night?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
