The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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