my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize