turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
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I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
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there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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