you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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