i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
