she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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