at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
