Will you blow on my dice?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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