I faked an abortion last night.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
