im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
