Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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