I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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