Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
