I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
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