Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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