If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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