Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
