I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize