I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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