I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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