I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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