She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize