drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I want you more than these girls want KFC
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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