So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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