I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
