Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
