I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
