How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
