Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
