Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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