For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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