Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he shaved USA in his pubs
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
