Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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