Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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